Sunday, July 26, 2009

Food Regrets

I was just thinking of food regret. I've been reading a Kinsey Milhone novel and in this one, she and the protagonist often pick up fast food. In the scene I just read, they stopped at MickeyD's and got giant coffees and 2 Egg McMuffins apiece along with hash brows drenched in kechup - or maybe it was french fries drenched in kechup another time, I don't know. Point is - Kinsey does a lot of junk food eating, the exact kind of eating I'm telling myself I USED to like to do.

It made me have some regret and mourning feelings over food.

I have to say that before the sleeve, I really loved to eat. That's how I got to 5'5, 213 lbs. Food was my go-to for anything and everything - celebrations, sorrow, stress, sadness, happiness,boredom, movies, occasions, you name it. I would get upset over my fatness, yet cap it off by getting ice cream. Can a person use food to calm themselves down? Yes, indeed they can. Plus, I just really enjoyed it. And I ate big and cheap - I liked a good Big Mac with large fries and diet coke along with a Filet of Fish sandwich and maybe a regular cheeseburger to scarf in the car on the way home. That's not to say I didn't like quality food as well, a steak and lobster dinner hit the spot too, Brie and other good cheeses, nice crackers, good breads, recipes I'd make and then end up eating the most of, more of than my husband and sons put together. I love (loved?) gourmet stories like Harry and David, Dean and Delucca.

It's a great feeling to lose that type of hunger. I am totally in agreement with the ghrelin theory, that when the the doctor removes that portion of the stomach he is also removing much of that hormone production that sparks the drive to eat. Honestly, pre and post surgery are night and day for me. I haven't eaten a solid food or cheated once on my liquids, and more importantly, I have felt no particular urge to do so. This evening, I think I felt a real hunger pang, so I warmed up a half cup of chicken broth and now I'm good. I absolutely could not have done that before surgery. No way. It's the best feeling.

Still, I have a few feelings of mourning for eating, tucking into a big plate of something. I'm so happy, and I feel so free and like I have a second chance, but it's a little bittersweet, too. Weird.

1 comment:

  1. I just found your blog and am looking forward to reading. My surgery is set for Sept. 5 and I can't wait but I am nervous about "leaving" food as well - it is like a breakup from a long time relationship.

    Thanks for documenting your journey.